A road oft- traveled...

with so many women.   A first-time-soon-to-be-momma; late-20's; educated on the benefits of having a unmedicated, minimal-intervention birth for her January-due baby boy.   A supportive, loving and excited Daddy.  Pre-natal appointments with an OB who rolled his eyes when she would express her desire for this "granola birth" in a hospital run by nurses and doctors and anesthesiologists with schedules and demands; good intentions and yet the worries of lawsuits.   An early check of the dialation progress, and a discouraged, tired momma who was told (and obeyed - no thanks to me! :)   she couldn't eat or drink anything.  An early arrival to the hospital due to the prescribed antibiotics round for strep B.  Being hooked up and immoble for hours at a time - leaving the chance to labor in hot water or walking around the hospital not an option. A discouraged momma who - inspite of an amazing partner;  gentle, loving Mom who herself is a nurse; and a rockin' DOULA :):) -  wondered how if she was only at 4cm. after hours of being in pain, wanted relief and sleep....which came with a price.  Epidurals are a brilliant creation. But the baby's heartrate decel'ing and Momma's inability to feel the pushing better led to a rather rash decision to call in to secure an OR for a section.  The big knife.  The patience of dear Doc. was gone within a 1/2 hour.  The kind, gentle ways of the rest of her birth team were a contrast to his curt instructions of her pushing.  It was forgotten that babies do things in their time. That the miracle requires patience.  That his heart was recovering fine after each decel.   That this momma had read and trained for this birth:  with books, articles and information, and in Cross-Fit and Yoga.  That she had a 6-pack full of strong muscles under that stretched-out uterus, and a heart willing to push just a little longer and a little harder.  That “There is a secret in our culture and it is not that birth is painful but that women are strong."  - Laura Stavoe  
(ok, ok, it's pretty damn painful! )     
But, it is heartbreaking to watch a story unfold when you are scared for the ending.  When you want it to have a storybook ending, and you watch instead unfold in the form of a nightmare: where the momma feels every inch of the knife cut from the C-section, and spends the next few hours with blue lips, on numerous ineffective but powerful pain meds unable to hold her gorgeus new bundle of sweetness.    Where you wonder why you are the only one whispering in her ear: "You can DO this.  They are already planning on a C-section but you CAN do this. Take a deep breath and make the next one count." Where you sob in the car on the way home: partly from sadness from the birth experience of someone you have grown to care about deeply and the disapointment of knowing your support, knowledge and enthusiasm couldn't override a woman's fatigue and time spent in wires and tubes;  partly from the beauty of two families melding together..waiting hours on end for the news that all is well and the ones they love the most are safe and sound.   From the almost-tangible love of family in a dark waiting room in New England; laughter and tears and bonding and a first grandbaby on both sides.  Phone calls and photos and texts and life-changes and newness that is unlike anything else in this short, joy-filled journey called life.  From the gut-wrenching feeling that accompanies each- WAY TOO INFREQUENT -birth of which I am blessed to witness -  that this sweetness is a past gift, something that will not come again in my life, that I will never get over wanting again and again; yet glorifying and rejoicing in seeing it being opened by others.   Always with envy.  Always with a sense of loss and sadness mixed in with the tears they think are from "loving what I do..." (I fool them well! :)    Tears partly from the relief that in the end...everything WAS OK and the pain and trauma from a birth that took a different turn had a handsome baby boy in the end with a nose like his dad and paternal grandma whose happiness was almost bursting out of herself at that observance.    
I KNOW there are times that interventions save babies' lives. I KNOW there are good doctors who - in spite of their anatomy and not having any idea what labor and delievery feel like - are compassionate and supportive while being objective and patient.  I have yet to doula for very many.  I will continue to sing the praises of midwives from the top of the hills...


Even with a non-properly-working camera, I captured some of the emotion present here which ALMOST (ok, not even CLOSE, but...)  helps make up for these absolutely horrible photos.  What do you expect when your camera has to be on 6400 ISO???!!?!  As grainy and as blurry/nonsharp as pictures can get with the low light and the high ISO, and the arrival of my repaired camera today from Fed-EX just makes this even harder to post.  (cant wait for SOMEONE'S BIRTH to get some REAL low-light hospital baby-love!!!)  Thought I would be able to use some of these for my someday-website until I used my messed-up camera, but the appreciation from momma and family makes it worth capturing the "behind the scenes" for her after all the trauma, especially...




thankful today for:
1) luke's Hugs and kisses and "I am the only one who loves you the most!" 
2) Billy playing and wrestling with the littles before bedtime
3) somewhat lighter RED hair, more than the darker auburn that made me feel like an Adams Family member
4) cleaning day here
5) Bottle Cap candy from Billy 




Video sent to the family - note below is what is on Vimeo to them yet is same font, etc here.  So happy for them and the little man.   






An unexpected arrival into so much love.... from Keri Bryant on Vimeo.
Lys and Ed - Well, I read that "the only bad pictures are the ones you don't take!"  I didn't tell you that my camera was messed up - it is now sent in to get repaired - and most of the photos I took I knew would be really, really grainy, blurry and yucky due (this time! :)  to my camera. BUT, that isn't why I was there, and I am happy I at least captured some of the AMAZING love, courage and support that filled the birthing center that whole night.  EJ and your mom were BOTH pros, and the concern and excitement in the waiting room was almost tangible.  It made my heart fill with joy for you and made me hope my own grandchildren someday can come into such a sweet blending of family.
This little guy might not have arrived the way you both dreamed, but he was just preparing you for a lifetime of surprises and sacrifice to be the amazing parents you will be.  Congrats to you both!